Oh The Facebook

I waited a long time to finally have the priviledge of wasting my quality time on The Facebook. I spent all four years of college wasting time on tv, sleeping, tv, and sleeping. Not until I graduated did my wonderful alma mater gain access to The Facebook. That didn't really slow me down though, I was signed up and ready to go before most of the actual enrolled students. It was so bad that during one trip to campus, I'd see people I had never met, and they felt like celebrities. Facebook celebrities.
It leads to conversations like this-

+"Oh dang, thats the girl from Houston, wow, she's just as pretty in person"
"What are you taking about, do you know her?"
+"Of course not, but I've seen her on facebook"

-The girl I had a crush on in 4th grade, her name is Celeste, she is now my facebook friend. If she has any clue who I am, I don't know. Maybe she is really nice and adds everyone. It doesn't matter, we're facebook friends now.
-A girl who was a freshman during my senior year of high school, we barely talk, but she's my facebook friend, we're cool. She's hot too.
-My ex-girlfriend that I am still very much interested in and who is also very hot, we're facebook friends, she hasn't blocked me yet, a good sign if there ever was one.
-All my friends from middle school, that I don't know anything about anymore, yeah we're facebook friends now

Another great thing about facebook is that it lets you know where you stand on the totem poll of success, especially someone like me who just graduated. My info reads something like this:
"Just moved to DC, now someone find me a job and a place to stay"
It clearly lets you know that I'm jobless and homeless.
Now I see my friends from High School, the ones at Harvard, Yale, MIT, other typically private northeastern school that everyone in America respects, and their information is more like:
"Just moved into my new place in NYC, I have a great job with a publishing house, I'm learning so much. I miss all my sorority sisters (or fraternity brothers)...blah blah blah.
Once they said they had a job, I quit paying attention.
I say that I graduated from Schreiner University, the first question is always asked with an odd look
"Do you mean the old guys with the little red hats?"
Then I have to explain that no, its spelled differently, its a small school in a little town in Texas that you won't have ever heard of,
"No, ma'am, Kerrville is not a suburb of Austin, yes Austin is very nice."

Facebook also allows you to keep in touch with people without really trying, Forget email, I don't even have to remember any ones address. Just click the message link, or if I want to show everyone that I too have friends, I can post on their wall. Letting everyone know that we share some memory, or inside joke, or that we like each enough to admit it in public.

Unfortunately, now that I'm out of school, I'm afraid my facebook friends list is going to be stuck in the mid-30's. Eventually people will stop checking it, after they're married and have kids. So my number will probably go down some. I'm definately not meeting any new people. I don't like people in general.
Unless they want to be my facebook friend.